Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
