3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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