I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize