He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize