He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
