I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
