So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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