I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
