you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
