My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
