Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
