I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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