Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
