I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
