its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
