sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Pooping to opera.
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