I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
