What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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