Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
