Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
