He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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