i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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