On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
