Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
