The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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