it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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