my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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