Cold hands, warm shart.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
