remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
