WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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