Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
