Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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