Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
