she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
