So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
