btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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