just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
