the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
