Fine. I'll sleep in my office
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
