i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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