It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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