I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
