i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
