So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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