nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
