i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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