Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
