the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
