it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize