the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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