Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
