Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
