I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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