So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
