Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
