would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
