see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
