worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
