i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
