And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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