My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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