we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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