Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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