dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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