I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize