On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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