You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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