he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
