He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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